This week, according to the Drudge Report the headlines read, "Muslim world inflamed by Rushdie knighthood". One need not look further to get the full story. Salmon Rushdie, the no talent scribe who was propelled to rock stardom when a fatwah was issued over his unreadable, anti-Mohammed text "The Satanic Verses" was, I'm guessing, knighted by Queen Elizabeth, since the "Muslims" - in the accompanying photo- are definitely burning the British flag. (See above.) I swear I did not read the text. See how easy this is.

So what else is new? Everyone know that anything will "spark outrage" in the Muslim world since that is the only emotion they seem to be in touch with. (Paging Sigmund Freud). They really are a creative bunch when you think about it. I mean, bless them again for the decimal system, that font of anal retentiveness, but you can't rest on your laurels forever. (Consider: Why can't they just count to ten before they lose what little cool they possess?)

Anyway, with Muslims it always comes down to emotions : Outrage, Indignity and Intolerance. Israel plants a tree, Hamas plants a suicide bomber. Israel irrigates, Hamas blows up a pipeline. Are you getting the picture? That is what makes this whole Islamic thing such a drag and it also explains why Islamic fruit cakes are such darlings of the histrionic, melodramatic left. With all of them it's all emotion. No damn common sense. Conservatives plant and harvest a forest. Liberals, through conservation, allow it run wild creating conditions where 1 cigarette butt or a bolt of lightening can burn 400,000 acres to the ground. And then they complain about global warming.

With Islam it's gays, free speech, democratic elections, mini skirts, Christians and Jews and women who want to drive. It's making them nuts (ok, women drivers make me nuts too but still.) Everything's an excuse to rape, pillage, burn and behead ( and you thought Political Correctness and trips to reindoctrination camps, I mean, "re-hab" were annoying.) Muslims are definitely the drama queens of the new millenium, which is not to say they weren't histrionic before that but thank God, the Christians got after them and stopped them from wallowing in their perpetual self-pity, when He said, "You want something to really be depressed about? Ok, here comes the Crusades."

Now, keep in mind Muslims will burn and pillage at the drop of a hat. Not sure about the rape thing but my guess is that in the so-called dark ages this was a really big problem, mainly for little boys. This is the Muslim way of saying, "We think what you did was bad."

Let me be clear, I wanted to go on a rampage when Bono was knighted because enough already with the Third World debt. (Memo to Bono: You don't give forgive the debt of African war lords or reward them with interest free loans. You put them in prison and try them for letting their people sit in starvation and sewage while you are fomenting civil war and feasting on bed bugs and Cristal.) When I listened to Bono did I go on a rampage? Heck, no. I'm just waiting till the world figures out that they've been had and picks up on my plan to put those war loads to work building the infrastructure and irrigation canals and sewers whose financing they squandered and then get back to paying off the debt.

Back to the Muslims. Can someone please explain why a culture that considers itself superior and enlightened for some reason lacks the dialogue to explain to the world why this knighthood was wrong and why they must protest. To assist, here's why it was wrong: Rushdie is a boring writer whose only success was getting that fatwa placed on his head which made him a darling of the tedious, self-loathing left.

If you're going to bestow a knighthood on anyone for pissing off Muslims, for Allah's sake, make it count. How about Orianna Fallaci for "The Pride and the Rage"? A truly superior text and she lived right in New York! Or how about Anne Coulter- surely she's pissed off enough Muslims to warrant a fatwa and a title or two. Life isn't fair. Do we rape and pillage? Of course not. And we especially don't torch our own neighborhoods which would be the ultimate act of cutting off your big nose to spite your own face.

I don’t know who to be more upset at, Queen Elizabeth for elevating this fat fish into knighthood or the Muslims for using any excuse to strong arm westerners into buying into their temper tantrums. But I'm not going to sweat it. Instead I'm going to sit back and watch while Palestinians are busy killing Palestinians on the West Bank because they can no longer get at the Israelis. (Palestinians: "We have to kill someone! How about each other?" Response from the Civilized world, "Great idea." Response from Jimmy Carter, "It's all Israel's fault.") Arabs killing Arabs, now there's a surprise. And here's all I have to say about that: Mr. President, Mr. Bush, about our borders. See what Israel has just done? "Now, for God's sakes, what is it going to take to force you to finally BUILD UP THAT WALL?"